I hate to admit it but I am a people pleaser. I like to make people happy. I work in a service industry. I care for people every day looking out for their needs. Unfortunately, this last week I have had someone not happy with how I provided care. They were not happy, upset even. Nothing is being discussed directly with me and I am unable to discuss, or even apologise for my part.
I have reflected on what happened over the last week and thought of different ways things could have gone. There are definitely ways I could have improved what occurred yet my current challenge is that I cannot undo or fix something that has already happened. It happened for multiple reasons, and I am not fully to blame for the resulting situation but I am struggling to let go of it. I am frustrated by the situation and have moved through a range of emotions from being defensive, justifying my actions, admitting I could have done better, and being upset with myself.
It feels like I can’t close it off in my mind because I can’t discuss what happened and the ways we each could have done better. It is still unresolved and I am struggling with that. This process of facing our own shortcomings and the difficulty facing us from others is the battle we must face constantly. And we can’t always resolve these conflicts that we face.
Conflict is always going to be around us, within us, sometimes even because of us. It isn’t always going to wrap up in a nice little bow with everyone apologising for their part and working towards a resolution everyone is happy with. How do we come to terms with conflict and maintain our own inner peace?
Some people don’t.
I think it is the great existential question. How do we see ourselves and our place in the world and how do we reason with the great conflict in the world? Evil versus good. Right versus wrong. This post didn’t start out to be so sober and introspective but I think people have become scared to ask the big questions these days. We are so busy making sure everyone is happy, not offended, that we are scared to have real discussions.
I don’t want to be scared of those questions anymore. I don’t want to be scared of seeing my own shortcomings. I want to be so confident in who I am in Christ that I seek them out and lay them at his feet.